Last night Cullen (9) came into my room all excited as he heard a song on the radio while taking a shower about being a father to your child.

He told me how he wanted to send a copy of it to his father. I tried to look on the station's website to see if it was a new song that was out but had no luck.

Cullen was so happy about the song I could see he could not only relate but it felt good for him that someone else felt the same way.


I wonder if it was this song. It's from a Boston based group from back in the day. Boy did I love this song as I was raising Darian (13)

Even if it is not the same song it's a powerful message for a young man to hear that even if his Dad is not doing what he needs to do not all men are destined to be deadbeat Dad's.

Gosh there are some wonderful Dad's right here on the stream. RE.... Mr. Fish..... Mr. Warlock and so many more

I am so proud of Darian (13) he has gone fishing all most every day for the past week. He's so good at it too he catches at least 20 fish a day (but of course he has to throw them back as their too small)

My son has high hopes for himself as he keeps talking about entering into a fishing derby which I think is a great idea.

It's great knowing he is into something positive... something that will teach him patience (which he really needs) and help him stay out of trouble.

Cullen (9) and I went out for some one on one time today which was really nice. We went bargain hunting which was so nice then visited my Mom in the hospital.

Our outing really helped him with his mood which has been teetering latley.

Isaiah (4) has been doing great with staying on the grass and living with the fact that Mommy or Daddy has to be with him when he goes outside, no going in or with the people down stairs until he earns his trust back.

Geneva (1) has found a new love DORA the Explorer. She bounces dancing to the theme music every time it comes on (I will have to get a video of it as it is SOOOOOOOO cute)

All in all life is GOOD right now. Hard to believe that a few days ago I was feeling depressed and beaten. That's how life is wait it out and things get better

I have met so many special people here on Blogstream. For every feeling I have or every painful experience I have felt...this place has connected me to someone... many people who can relate and truly understand.

The people I have met here (funny because I have never met any of you in person) are so perfect for me in every way. They help me be strong when I feel weak.... laugh with me.... cry with me and can truly understand me.

Abby is going to be the BEST Momma around this I know for a fact as she has so much insight in her. She has pointed out things with me and my relationships with my children that I can not see as I am too close to the situation.

I am so thankful for all of your friendships... the suggestions you give me... the support and the love.

In closing this mushy little love note to all of you I leave you with what Isaiah told me the other day:

Isaiah: I'm all done with my popsicle

Me: (seeing it was half eaten) you opened it you have to eat it all

Isaiah: Actualy.... Mommy you opened it

Me: Speechless what can you say to a 4 yearold who so has a point???????

There are so many times that I do forget that he is only 4 years old he is going to get into trouble. Some time I am harder on him then I should be. As I said it takes a friend sometimes to show us that. Thank you Miss Abby for making me see now what I may be doing that is not positive for Isaiah this way I can fix it before it is too late.... love ya girl

It's amazing what a difference one day can make in your life. Yesterday I was so down on myself so numb but today I feel my energy level and happiness going back up.

Kind of funny as I think of this whole situation as if I was a character in a video game. Super Momma power up. I know some of you can feel me even if your not parents.

I went to my Mom's house early this morning after dropping Cullen (9) off at school. The little ones stayed with Daddy. I had to leave early in the morning as Geneva (1) is used to me leaving at this time if I leave later in the day she gives him a hard time and lets just say he is a BABY himself about it!

My Mom is still in the hospital for her breathing so the dog has to be checked on... taken out the whole nine. Her BF has been helping take a lot of the burden off of me as he lives near her and has no kids living with him.

Bella and I went to the sheep pasture which is miles and miles of paths to walk with nothing but nature around you. It was so nice and really helped to boost my mood. After about an hour of walking we went back to my Mom's house where we both took a nice nap.

The comforter on my Mom's bed is my Nonnie's (who died months ago) it is also the same comforter that  we placed on her right before she died at the nursing home.

So bewteen having the dog and the comforter it gave me some peace and a nice little nap.

Thank you for all my wonderful friends who support me and believe me when I lose grip on this thing called life.

I don't know if this happens to anyone else but in my little world..... the Dad just can't do what I do. Even the simplest things he is always saying well I can't do it because I was watching the baby or can you get me this or do that.

When I am here alone I have no other choice but to make it happen in style. Sometimes I amaze myself at the things I can accomplish by myself with the kids.

For instance Isaiah (4) was all up in arms yesterday morning as his Dad watched him on Monday yet he could not set up his wading pool. He said it was because he was watching the baby but I know it's just that he is not inventive as I am.

Looking into his little eyes with him really wanting to see his pool set up for the first time... I did not let anything stop me. Sure it's a lot of work but for my kids I swear I would do just about anything.

I strapped Geneva (1) on to this backpack carrier I have used once hiking. In fact I had it in a pile to send to charity... damn I am glad I did not give it away. So here I am baby on my back dragging pools... toys.... hoses the whole nine to make my little prince happy.

When the older boys came home I was enjoying a nice water gun fight boys against the girls. Mommy with Neva strapped to my back with two small guns running around the house being chased by my boys. The neighbors were laughing there butts off at us.

We stayed outside all day yesterday did not come in until 7:30PM or so. We even played a little game of volleyball with the kids downstairs. Of course I had my little princess on my hip as I chased the ball.

These are the rewards of my hard work and making the impossible... possible... seeing all the kids laughing playing and enjoying being a family