Geneva's (11 1/2 months) birthday is next week. She will be one on that day. I had planned to have a big party for her as turning one is a big thing.

However life seems to have a different plan for me. Finances are very tight so I will have to do something but nothing big.

It got me kind of depressed but then yesterday it hit me.... she is only a baby. Even if I had all the money in the world she does not understand what is going on around her to that extent.

Her memories will not recal the differences of having a big bash or just a cake.

Then my mind retraced many Christmas days where things were tight. How much stress I put on myself to get the kids as many presents as I could... even though I knew that the meaning of the holiday is far from that.

After that day they don't even play with most of that stuff. Yet I stressed myself out to no end.

The fact is as a parent I stress myself out so much more then I need to. As material things can break... be lost or they grow out of them. Yet the love that I have for these kids is what they remember.

So I will keep my head up as the thing I want to see the most is how she will react to her cake. Something about the first birthday and that cake.

This morning the younger kids and I took off to the beach. I have had so much on my mind latley that I decided the house work can wait.

It was nice but the water was freakin COLD. Isaiah (4) did not mind at all. He kept running in and out of the water just getting his feet wet.

The current there at the beach is pretty strong. As the water retreats back to the ocean you can feel the strength it has as your feet get pulled into the wet sand.

At one point it knocked Isaiah right down but he took it well laughing.

Geneva (11 1/2 months) did not like the water that much as it was cold but she laughed as the waves lapped at her feet.

Miss Neva was happy picking up rocks and placing them in her bucket. As I watched her doing that it hit me at how much she has grown. Time truly does go by fast.

Neva then would take off crawling along the beach. Here and there she would stop.. stand... then take a few steps before she fell on her bottom.

The beach has always been comforting to me. I find myself refreshed ready for some more stress... if that's possible

Tonight was family swim at the Y. First Darian (13) dropped out saying he wanted to fix his scooter, then Cullen (9) didn't want to go because Darian was not going. Then the one person I thought I could count on good old Isaiah (4) decides he wants to stay home and play with his friend down stairs.

At first I was a little upset but then I have to realize their getting older there will surely be more days like this. 

At least I still have Neva for the moment as before I know it she will be doing the same.

Her and I had a nice time. She spent the time enjoying the water. I swear it reminds her of the womb as she is so calm.

I love it when I hold her.. back to my chest her little legs sway with the water but their bent as they would be in the womb. She even closes her eyes from time to time as I sway her back and forth in the warm water.

It has a calming effect on myself as well because I remember just a year ago on this very day she was still safe and sound in my womb 

I never thought I would be creating a public post about the goings on around here, but here I am this morning saddened after receiving a PM from our sister blogger Katie from Kate's Coven saying goodbye.

Personaly she was one of my favorite blogs I read it every morning, looking forward to learning something new.

It amazes me how people can push someone new out of the realm of blogstream so quickly.

I wish we could all learn to just coexist. If you do not believe in someone's views on their blog or what they have to say... do not comment and do not visit POINT BLANK.

It's a very easy concept that would save both parties grief.

All though I can not bring back Miss Katie I wish her luck in her life. Her blog was very educational in my book. Wicca is her belief... her life she allowed us to peek into her life/beliefs but now she has been shunned? Why we are all different can't we accept our differences or at least live and let live?

I am sorry your experience was a bad one here at the stream Miss Katie. You will be missed