There are some things Mom's just don't know when it comes to Mom-Son relationships.
My oldest Darian (13) asked me the other day if he could shave He does have a little mustache going on. I told him that would be fine the next time I ran to the store I would get him what he needs.
Today I took all the kids with me to Walmart what a mess that was Neva (9 1/2 months) was about the only little angel during the trip. Isaiah (4) wanted some computer game which I had to decline. Then the two oldest boys were fighting. Cullen (9) tends to take out whatever is bugging him on Darian. He picks at him until he gets a reaction.
I try to get Cullen to talk as I know the whole paternity test/father issue is tearing him up but he won't budge. I get little pieces here and there that's it.
So here we are in the shaving aisle. I told Darian to pick out the type of shaving creame he wanted and then a razor.
Then my eyes spotted all the creames and after shaves. I wondered to myself...does he need that?
There was a man picking out a razor so I said 'Excuse me...does he really need aftershave? What's it for?' He looked stunned at first. I guess I would be too if I was in my own little world picking out a razor.
He then told me how it just takes away the burn but is not needed if it's just the mustache. I thanked him then thanked the powers that be that the stranger was there at that moment.
Then monkey see monkey do kicked in when Isaiah asked for shaving stuff too. I explained he was too young. Then Cullen asked if he has hair yet...nope sorry buddy not yet. He then asked me if he would have some when he 'gets puberty' like it is a disease or something
See there are somethings I just don't know when it comes to the boys. It's only going to get deeper as the years go on

With the paternity test coming up tomorrow I have had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. The most pressing is how can Justin (Cullen's (9) Dad) live with himself every day knowing he is not there for his son?
Cullen has called him, written him and thought of him all the time. Yet Justin does not respond to him at all. Justin never answers his phone. When Cullen leaves a message it is just that no response what so ever.
He has always been able to shut out anything he does not want to deal with...but his own son?
I wish he would wake up one day to see what he is doing to his own flesh and blood. He has no other children that I know of. Cullen is his first born, his son.
He can not use me as an excuse but he does. I want him to be in Cullen's life badly as I see how much Cullen needs him.
Darian (13) went through this same thing with his father. Darian has got to the point where so much time has elapsed so many promises have been broken that he is done with the whole thing. When he does speak about his Dad it is about how he has failed him.
Children are resiliant creatures so pure and honest. No matter how much a parent has lacked they always yearn for that connection.
There are so many things that I can protect my children from. It kills me that situations like this I can not wave my magic wand and make it all better

It's funny how when you have more then one child their relationships with one another can change as time goes by.
Darian (13) and Cullen (9) have always had distance between them. I equate that to the fact that their exact opposites for the most part. I have found letting them air out their differences on their own instead of me stepping in all the time has allowed them to find their own relationship. They still fight sometimes but not as much as they once did.
Isaiah (4) and Cullen were once very close. As Isaiah has grown he began to get under Cullen's skin so they started to drift apart. I guess that's a little of payback there for what Cullen had done to Darian when Cullen was small
Isaiah is begining to bond with Darian. They will sit and talk a lot latley. It makes me smile as Darian was not as close to Isaiah as I wanted.
Now Miss Geneva (9 1/2 months) is everyones favorite Come one now how could any boy not love his little sister?
Cullen makes me smile when he wants to snuggle with her and I at night. He is such a good brother in fact all the boys are to her.
Some days they offer so much help with regards to her that I can't imagine raising her without them.
I may have a larger family then most. When I usually tell people how many kids I have they look at me as if I am an alien
I would not have it any other way. My kids are my life. They make me smile, laugh, think and even get me mad sometimes but it is all worth it.
If I lost everything that I have tomorrow I will always have my kids and they will have each other

My Mom stopped by unannounced today with some goodies for the kids, juice and snacks that they like. I love when she stops by in fact she needs to do that more so Neva (9 months) isn't so strange around her.
We looked at the video of Nonny together as she was there when I took it but she never saw it. I saw the tears swelling up in her eyes. As we watched the video when Nonny laughed so did she. It was great to see that.
I gave my Mom this grandmother poem/music box I bought for Nonny when she was in the hospital one of the times. My Mom had gave it to me but I thought she should have it as she is a grandmother. My Mom smiled as she accepted it.
While we were visitng I asked my Mom did you hear that? She smiled I did too as the music box played a few lines of the song all on it's own nothing was near it and it had been in the same place for at least 10 minutes. We both knew that was Nonny
My Mom held Neva as I cooked and ate dinner with the boys. Then she told me to go take a bath. Boy did I need that all alone no worries knowing Neva was in good hands. She knew I had been having it hard with BF and I fighting as he was not pulling his weight helping out around here. It was like an unspoken word.
Just goes to show no matter how old you are you always need your Mom. Even when your a Mom yourself your own Mother knows just what to do to make it all better