Last night I made a quick stop on my way to bed into my oldest's room to say goodnight. I was so tired but I needed to give him some on one. Thanks to a conversation I had with a fellow blogger Shiira (shout out to you girl ) I saw how I need to connect more with him.
As teenagers it is normal for them to push away, trying to find out who they are. I should not take this as an insult rather as a rite of passage. He puts on a good front but he still needs his Mom
Wasn't much but it meant the world to me and I think he thought a lot of the time we spent as well. We were watching TV on his bed as I rubbed his back. He started to tell me about school how they made a rocket in tech ed but it blew up in the air so now their back to square one.
As I was about to call it a night I glanced at his baby blanket that he still has on his bed. It amazed me to see how this crib blanket once fit his whole body now it will just about fit his upper torso.
I told him I couldn't believe he still had this and how I received the blanket. Being a teen Mom I did not have the funds to afford a crib so I called upon a local charity 'My Brother's Keeper'. They brought a brand new crib and the blanket he still has. I cried as I thanked them for their generosity they gave me a crucifix and a little piece of paper that said 'This is the man who brought you the crib'. Reading that note I cried even more.
Looking into Darian's eyes I told him how much he meant to me. How he changed my life for the better as I always searched for someone to love me. How his siblings and himself brought me the true gift of love.
I ended our talk by telling him how proud I was of who he was. Clearing the air between us from the last few teenage episodes, I let him know that the teenage years are hard as I have been there and know how it feels with all the pressure. I told him I would always be available to him no matter what he would like to talk about.
Goodness I went to bed with a sh** eating grin on that talk was better then a million dollars

Neva is 8 months old now, my how time flys by. It pained me to take her infant swing out to the corner for someone to take. In my town you can put your used goods on the corner for someone to take. It works out well as someone may need it.
I have been looking at it for a month or so now fighting with myself if I should get rid of it or not. She is far too big for the swing now but keeping it up in the living room reminded me of when she first came home. She was so tiny, peaceful. Now she is growing and prefers to be rocked in the rocking chair.
Last night I brought the swing to the sidewalk as it should have been a month ago. I kept looking out the window at it wanting her to be an infant again so I could watch her doze off in it
It wasn't out for long before it was snatched up, which I am happy for. I hope another family can find the same joy that it brought me.
As the years go by I will be bringing more infant stuff to goodwill or the corner for others to use. Before I know it Neva is going to be in high school and all of these years will be memories engraved in my head.
Too bad we couldn't be selfish just for a little while longer and keep them babies forever

One good thing about having more then one child is the way they entertain each other. Everyone is always busy around here. Thought I would share this video from breakfast where Isaiah was cracking Neva up. I love how she laughs now!

I know I am always talking about this subject but it really baffles me. My kids change daily sometimes it is apparent and somedays it takes a few months to see it.
Someone asked me this weekend how old Geneva was I answered 7 1/2 months. Then the person brought it to my attention that she had to be at least 8 months because her granddaughter was a week or so younger then Geneva and she was 8 months. OMG such a BAD MOTHER I am It's hard with 4 kids keeping the names straight, the ages, the birthdates ALL THAT STUFF
So then I was sitting there counting the months and freaking out that the baby of the group will be 1 in a few more months. It seems like just yesterday when she was born!
Isaiah my 4 yearold doesn't change much over the days. He is still moody and bossy. All though last night he showed a touch of compassion which shocked the pants off of me
I was crying and he came up to me rubbing my head saying Mommy you ok? He NEVER did that before. He's growing up seeing that there are other people that inhabit HIS WORLD
Cullen 9 is morphing little by little into a teenager. We would get a long so well but here and there he shows his alter ego that I have named lovingly 'HYDE'. I can't stand Hyde he is mean, moody, fresh and outright horrible to be around!
Darian 13 one day I am scared of what tomorrow will bring with him. What trouble will he get himself into tomorrow? Is this how his teenage years are going to be like? Then he will show a moment of clarity where he has compasion for everyone in the house including ME his ENEMY!
Time doesn't stop for anyone. I am just along for the ride as my kids develop each and everyone of them. We will surely have our good days and our bad days. No choice but to take the bad with the good

This morning started off like any other weekend, sleeping a little bit later looking forward to no drop off or pickup at school and then the words SATURDAY SCHOOL!
I had forgot until Cullen brought it up. He seemed happy about the whole idea when he brought the paperwork home last week. Even this morning when he reminded me he seemed excited.
Then the crying began 'I don't want to go' So we battled back and forth he has to go these sessions are for MCAS, he needs them.
I finally got him in the car as he cried still. I dropped him off and I CAN NOT TELL YOU HOW RELIEVED I WAS to DROP HIS A** OFF
I always call him Doctor Jeckel and Mister Hyde, when he is good he is soooooooo good and when he is bad...well you get the picture
So Mr. Hyde reared his head this morning. When I pick him up this afternoon Dr. Jeckel will have replaced Hyde as always.