My oldest two have a love hate relationship mostly hate. I wonder if other siblings feel that way? It seems like they are always at each other's throats
They went to the library yesterday together. The oldest one actually invited the younger one (should have known something was wrong). The younger one always looks for acceptance from his big brother and at times the big brother seems annoyed. I guess this is normal but I would not know as I am an only child.
Well it turns out that the younger one brought his birthday money (35 to be precise) and divided it between his older brother and his older brother's 2 friends. When this came to my attention last night the younger one seemed ok with it like it was something he wanted to do with his money. I for one thought he would want to by some wrestling toys or a video game but it was his money and if this is how he wanted to spend his money then it was ok with me. I was actually proud of him for sharing his wealth
Then today the younger one tells me he felt pressured to pass out the money from the older brother who said he should. I did the whole mother lecture thing explaining that this should teach him a lesson that he should not feel pressured by Darian.
So there goes the closeness the 'love' they are now back at war they way I am so used to them coexisiting

I know all of you parents can feel me here when I say that sometimes I wish they could stay babies forever
Each child has their own personality this I found to be true. Two of the boys would let me cuddle with them when they were babies, falling asleep in my arms for the night. The other two would cuddle on their own time jerking and crying as if to tell me let me have some space
My baby girl (6 1/2 months) lets me hold her when she falls asleep but puts a time limit on it then she is ready to be put in her crib to stretch out. I treasure the time I do hold her laying in my bed with her wether it be naptime or bedtime. I hold her close to my body feeling the body heat engulf us both. I smell her head how pure it is. I am calmed by her rythmic breath. It is these times that mimic her time in the womb when we were as one.
Sometimes I can not sleep at night so I am guilty of snatching her up from her crib while she is asleep just to lay close to her.
I am eating up every single minute of her right now as too soon she will be growing and changing never to be the exact same

I have developed the strangest way to handle stress....cleaning
I have never been a neat freak but latley I am. Whenever stress comes my way I start barreling through my house like a cleaning tornado. The only explanation I can find is it is my escape. All that energy I would be wasting sitting around feeling sorry for myself, feeling depressed I use it to clean.
Guess it is not that bad of a vice I could be doing much worse and housework needs to be done any how.
Is there anyone else out there that does this or something similar?
Funny how time changes the way we deal with things. I used to cry,lock myself in a room and wait for the night when I could fall asleep.

A job is supposed to be just that a job, means to make money to support your family. For a long time that was just what my jobs were to me until I found myself in insurance. I had no experience but caught on rather quickly soon I was consumed by my job I lived and breathed it. It became my obsession.
Then it all changed when I transfered to a different office. I felt like I was back in highschool with all the clicks and gossip. I could so relate with my oldest kids as I was having the same people problems that they were having.
I still loved what I did just hated the people I was around. This job was draining me slowly but surely. The 'n' word was being used around me freely and I accepted it even though 3 of my kids are biracial. I felt like I was selling out my kids, my beliefs just to be able to coexist at my job. Then I spoke up I just didn't want it around me.
The final straw was when one of my co-workers thought it was funny to address my son with the 'n' word at a bring your child to work day function. Then I had to choose between my job and my child. All I wanted was an appology. It was one thing to do it to me and a whole other thing to do it to myself.
Then I saw my company for what it was 4 years of service of blood sweat and tears meant nothing to them. I always felt that if it came down to it that the company would look out for me. Nope it was all turned around on me. They made my life a lving hell for months trying to get me to quit but I didn't. Then when I became pregnant with my daughter I knew I had to do something because the stress was no good for my pregnancy.
So I parted ways with my obsession. I was so hurt for months crying and looking at the box of my stuff that once were on my desk. Then after time I saw it for what it was a lesson. I will never allow another job to engulf me.
I never realized how far away I was from my children because I was too busy trying to be the star player for my job and look what I got in return nothing nothing at all.
I am happy now being able to make up for lost time with my children. Actually getting to see my daughter's firsts instead of a daycare writing a note to me.

My baby has decided to change her schedule around where she gets up in the middle of the night and nothing or nobody can get her back to sleep until she is ready. She is a headstrong little lady
So instead of trying all kinds of things to get her to sleep, I just wait it out. So I was up for 2 hours last night.
I wake up this morning to my oldest in a mood because he did not hear his alarm clock and he was going to be late for school. I told him I would drive him to school. I look out the window and there it is the first snow of the season. No big deal just a dusting but still it's here
So I had to make 2 trips this morning for school drop offs. Then the 4 yearold decides at 8am in the morning this is a perfect time to play in the snow. It was hell trying to get him back in the house. The 4 yearold has his own agenda now. He wants to go to Grammy's to throw snow balls at her. Yeah Grammy's house which is 1/2 hour way don't think so buddie.
One thing that seems to never change kids love the snow and adults hate it. I don't mind looking at it but when I have to go out in it arghhhhhhhhhh