Yes I am in pain yes I am battling with my boyfriend who is an alcoholic. Yes I have so much on my mind but I can not and will not show it
The older ones will be here any minute so it is time to put on that happy face
Funny thing is that I try hard to hide it but I know they know what's on my mind

My oldest is about to turn 13 which sometimes saddens me as I feel I will lose that innocence. There are times that I still see my baby my first born as I like to remember him before the hormones took over his body like an alien invasion
Yesterday as I gave instructions to him about watching his brother I saw one of those glimmer momments. I let him know that the 3 year old was watching little bear and when it went off to put on a new one.
To my amazement Mr. Grown said 'Oh great I love little bear'. It took me a minute, then a smile came to my face as I remembered how many times when he was a 3 year old we watched that show together.
It meant so much to me to know he still has that memory as well

There is no purer love then that of a parent to a child. It is embeded in us through conception and pregnancy
I love all 4 of my kids emmensly all though each has their own twist to it.
It's that love that allows me to wake up every morning to face another day. I can not imagine my life without them.
It's amazing how much of a reward I have received just through this small piece of their upbringing. As the years go by I can look forward to many more rewards
Parenting is not easy in fact I would say it is one of the hardest jobs around but I would not have it any other way

It's amazing how as my boys grow I need them even more. I was going through some relationship problems tonight trying to hold it together and not shed a tear in front of them when the flood gates opened.
My boys all 3 of em (12,8, and 3) came to comfort me asking me if I was ok
I feel like I have 3 bodyguards but I am supposed to be the mother
It's true when they say that little boys love their moms because no matter how many times they push my buttons when the going gets rough these guys are right there on the front line ready to help their mom

I have been stuck in this house doing the same daily routine for a few weeks now. I decided to take the 2 youngest to McDonalds to have lunch and play.
I am glad I did as I feel refreshed (it takes so little )
While we were there I noticed how little ones can make instant friendships without even knowing each others names. My 3 yearold calls everyone his friend. They play so good without a care in the world. They don't even ask one another personal questions. They don't care to them they are all equal just kids. I wish adults could be on the same page. It seems as we grow older our innocence is tarnished with hate
My 3 yearold has so much energy he is running, laughing, screaming and just being a kid. He has so much energy it's as if I lock him in a cage for years and then let him out like he has never seen the outside